It's almost Halloween! If you haven't figured out a costume yet, fear not. We at the BGS have put together eight of the rootsiest Halloween costumes we could think of. So, head to your closet, grab something brown or old or expensive, and get to work!
A Hay Bale
Step 1: Cover yourself in dust. Seriously, get so dusty. Maybe take a Benadryl first, if you're prone to allergies.
Step 2: Find pre-war boots. The less comfortable, the better — lesser minds will mistake your pain for thoughtfulness.
Step 3: Strap on a banjo and put on your best porkpie hat. Can't play the banjo? Doesn't matter!
Step 4: Tell everyone about your new musical project, Rusty Sunday School.
Step 5: Spend the rest of the night avoiding the eggs everyone should throw at you, you asshole.
Go to the grocery store, buy some kale, and tape it to yourself. Don't have any tape? Just carry the bag around and go on and on about the health benefits of green juice. Punch anyone who says the word "iceberg."
Walk around carrying a hair sample and ask every man of the appropriate age and facial hair if he is your father. Murmur something about how your nightmares are haunted by the same damn banjo roll, and how you wish you knew why suspenders made you cry.
Wear all denim, à la Canadian tuxedo. Cross your fingers a drunk person mistakes you for an expensive pair of jeans and hands you $200. Pass go.
Put on an American Eagle polo and some loose-fitting jeans. Openly profess your love for T.G.I. Friday's and your disdain for grammatically incorrect hashtags. Carry around a six-pack of Bud Light Lime-A-Rita and ask who's going to next month's Imagine Dragons concert. Get a Droid.
Draw a light bulb on a t-shirt and attach a $75 price tag to it.
Stay home and re-evaluate your life choices.