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Female Picker Advised to Grin More

Nov 16, 2015

Female Picker Advised to Grin More

NASHVILLE, TN — On the advice of band management, bluegrass mandolin phenom Daphne Bloomington started uploading live shows to YouTube. An award-winning mandolin player since she was 10, the internationally renowned picker has since voiced confusion over reactions on the social video platform.

“I just don’t understand why it’s not about the music,” she mused, scrolling through comments like “You look good, but SMILE, honey!” from bluegr@$$dave; “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened” from ThorsBalls; and the somewhat bizarre “Smiling is the best way to face every problem, to crush every fear, to hide every pain” from Wammer1948.

Originally intending to upload her performances as a way to connect globally with fans, Bloomington has since considered permanently disabling comments on the music page.

She wondered aloud how feedback like “A smile is the prettiest thing you can wear!” or “Worry less, smile more. Don’t regret, just learn and grow!” could be a positive contribution to the recorded performance. Bloomington also noted that moderating comments takes time away from practicing — an important part of keeping up her mandolin chops.

“I’m also doing the booking and tour managing for the band. I don’t really have extra time to take down smile memes from quotesgram.com all day,” she said.

Other members have yet to see the same type of commentary on the band page. Rhythm guitarist Jake Bruno added, "Mostly, the comments directed at me are guys wanting to know when to use an F-chord or an open position minor 7th-chord … stuff like that. I just play the charts that Daphne makes for me.”

Next to him, Bloomington shook her head as she hit return to confirm another admin delete comment request. “This one said, ’Hey lady, don’t forget a smile is a curve that sets everything straight!’ I mean, what is this shit?”

The band plans to discuss the viability of lyric videos at their next management meeting.

The above is a work of satire. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental … although entirely likely.

Photo credit: Jeff G Photography UK. Courtesy of Larkin Poe.

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