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Methjaw County Gazette: June Is Busting Out All Over Edition

Jun 20, 2016

Methjaw County Gazette: June Is Busting Out All Over Edition

Commerce is thriving in Methjaw County, as several businesses have recently opened in the new Bitter End Commercial Trailer Park and Foreigner Trade Zone.

The most recent addition to the park is "Hazy Hazel's Kountry Vapors and Kandles" which is owned and operated by Hazel and Ernie Walkinstick. The shop's main feature is a selection of handmade, mountain artisan, electronic cigarette vapor juices with local tastes in mind. You will find flavors like Apple Pie Moonshine, Biscuits and Gravy, Creamy Ranch, Liver n Onions, Chicken n Dumplins, Collard Greens, Pickled Okra, and Corn.

Hazel will also be featuring her new line of "Precious Memories Kountry Kandles" which have different smells to remind you of big events and memories in your life. Her top seller — Night Race — has a NASCAR theme and will transport your senses with pleasant notes of burning rubber and spilled beer. Hazel says, "Close your eyes, relax, and you just might hear engines roaring in the distance." She also has other scents like Barnyard, Catfish Lake, and Kenny Chesney Concert Bathroom Line, or customize your own scent for a small extra charge.

Also opening in the Park is Malcom McReynolds' new Wrestlin' Referee and Race Flag Wavin' School. The school is a great place to brush up on your various WWE, TNA, and Midget Wrestlin' rule books, and get started toward a career in sports justice and offishicating.

Malcom says his first pupil, Todd Beavers, 19, of Beavers Gap, is off to a great start. "He's mastered most of the rule books for the major federations, but as for the race flags, well, he ain't real good on his colors yet, but he'll get there!"

>These new businesses all opened using the state's new Rural Rurnt and Depressed Economic Development Grant Program that more than paid for the trailers. There was even enough left over to plant some trees and bushes down at the road. There are still some spaces available down there if you want to open you a business.

Stay tuned to the Bluegrass Situation and look for more news and music from the Darrell Brothers. Or you can find us on Facebook.

The above is a work of satire. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental … although entirely likely.

Photo credit: Skley via / CC BY-ND

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Methjaw County Gazette: June Is Busting Out All Over Edition