Tag: the darrell brothers

Monday marked the return of the Everbody’s Goin' to Hell ‘Cept Us Reformed Independent Pentecostal Holiness Bible Church of the USA’s youth group from their annual mission trip to Cave City, Kentucky. Youth leader Sidney Duckworth said the youngsters saved at least seven Gothic children and turned three Catholics. Good job, kids! 
In between tent meetings and door knockings, the kids got to explore some of the city’s greatest landmarks. At Dinoworld, they learned all about how dinosaurs were kept as pets several hundred years ago and how Moses drowned them all after Samuel pulled that jawbone from that horse’s ass and whooped all them Phillips boys.

Next, it was over to Big Mike’s Rock Shop. This shop is one of the premier rock shops in the entire world. We should inform you that, in addition to the area’s best selection of amethyst, they also sell rock candy. Be sure you know which is which, though. Elmer Jones busted out three teeth, and Tammi Lynn Belcher woke up with piss-ants all over her.

There was one kinda serious incident Sunday afternoon after they got through knockin on doors and hollerin down the streets. The kids were took down to the famous Cave City Alpine Slide. Only a few minutes into the slidin, star blocker for the Methjaw High School Lady Mullets Roller Derby Team, Cherry Cathey, got wedged into a small, five-foot wide tunnel in the course. It took a backhoe and eight tubs of butter-flavored Crisco to pull her out, but she only got some cuts and bruises.

Ms. Duckworth, of the E.G.T.H.C.U.R.I.P.H.B.C.O.T.U.S.A.Y.G., told us that they was all mighty grateful for the opportunity to go to a famous tourist destination, and that they'd like to thank their sponsors at Methjaw Tropical Tanning and Taxidermy. The group's next meeting will be at the Youth Interfaith Demolition Derby at the Methjaw County Fair in August, where their team will be squaring off against the Jehovah's Witnesses in the first round.

In other news, this week the Methjaw County Animal Control office received over 4,000 phone calls reporting sightings of strange animals, boogers, monsters, and haints throughout the county. Officials have issued a statement asking residents to refrain from taking hallucinogens, opioids, hipnotics, or mixing white liquor with any narcotics before playing Pokeyman Go.

That's the news from back home! Keep follerin us on the Bluegrass Situation and also check out our Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube pages for the latest with The Darrell Brothers.

Commerce is thriving in Methjaw County, as several businesses have recently opened in the new Bitter End Commercial Trailer Park and Foreigner Trade Zone.

The most recent addition to the park is "Hazy Hazel's Kountry Vapors and Kandles" which is owned and operated by Hazel and Ernie Walkinstick. The shop's main feature is a selection of handmade, mountain artisan, electronic cigarette vapor juices with local tastes in mind. You will find flavors like Apple Pie Moonshine, Biscuits and Gravy, Creamy Ranch, Liver n Onions, Chicken n Dumplins, Collard Greens, Pickled Okra, and Corn.

Hazel will also be featuring her new line of "Precious Memories Kountry Kandles" which have different smells to remind you of big events and memories in your life. Her top seller — Night Race — has a NASCAR theme and will transport your senses with pleasant notes of burning rubber and spilled beer. Hazel says, "Close your eyes, relax, and you just might hear engines roaring in the distance." She also has other scents like Barnyard, Catfish Lake, and Kenny Chesney Concert Bathroom Line, or customize your own scent for a small extra charge.

Also opening in the Park is Malcom McReynolds' new Wrestlin' Referee and Race Flag Wavin' School. The school is a great place to brush up on your various WWE, TNA, and Midget Wrestlin' rule books, and get started toward a career in sports justice and offishicating.

Malcom says his first pupil, Todd Beavers, 19, of Beavers Gap, is off to a great start. "He's mastered most of the rule books for the major federations, but as for the race flags, well, he ain't real good on his colors yet, but he'll get there!"

>These new businesses all opened using the state's new Rural Rurnt and Depressed Economic Development Grant Program that more than paid for the trailers. There was even enough left over to plant some trees and bushes down at the road. There are still some spaces available down there if you want to open you a business.

Stay tuned to the Bluegrass Situation and look for more news and music from the Darrell Brothers. Or you can find us on Facebook.

The above is a work of satire. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental … although entirely likely.

Photo credit: Skley via Foter.com / CC BY-ND

Victory for the Lady Mullets!
Excitement is in the air here in Bitter End, as the Methjaw County High School Lady Mullets rollerderby team whooped up on the Bucksnort High Lady Fighting Amish at the regional finals here in town last night and are headed to the State Championship match in Chatanooga next week. Prayers go out to Tammi Burchett of Bucksnort, who was injured by a clothesline move early in the game. Tammi's in room 1B at the Methjaw Memorial Medical Duplex, if you want to send well wishes.

Sophomore standout Hildy "Hildabeast" McRenyolds keeps living up to her tattoo and nickname, and won the MVP award. Not only did she take out Bucksnort's star player, but she scored on three jams and performed the national anthem at the half-time break.

Obituwaries and Current Events
In much sadder news, our prayers go out to the family of local native mystic and dream reader Lavender Lazyheart, who passed away last week. She was 108 years old, and is survived by 14 children, 42 great grandchildren, and 143 great great grandchildren.

Her homemade dreamcatcher and NASCAR memorabilia booth at the Methjaw County Flea Market will now be renamed the "Lavender Lazyheart Memorial Craft Stand" and will be manned by local craftsman Winky Hunt. Winky makes hand-painted Pentecostal Tambourines and Turkey Calls, and will be a great addition to the market.

Don't Spray Your Pets
There will be spraying of numerous anti-skeeter chemicals all over the county this week, as our health department takes precautionary measures against the Zika virus that's spreading across the world. Health Department Executive Lonnie Martin declined to comment on what exactly was in the spray, but said it wouldn't be a bad idea to keep your kids and pets indoors for a little while.

We all remember what happened with the "Great Scare of the Maters" in 2007, when that truck came in from Johnson City carrying tomatoes with the ecola, so it's good that they're not taking any chances with this.

Entertainment/Lifestyles
Now for the best news of all! Local celebrities and musical icons, the Darrell Brothers, have released a new EP and video for their single "Compact Car." Check it out and stay tuned for more news from Methjaw County and the Darrell Brothers. You can find us on the Facebooks.

The above is a work of satire. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental … although entirely likely.

Photo credit: Skley via Foter.com / CC BY-ND